Heartbreaks and Mistakes
by deadly-tues-days-not in use
Summary: the winter war has come to a devestating close and ichigo kurosaki has lost something far worse than his powers. that thing would be none other than rukia kuchiki, the girl of his dreams.[ichiruki]


**_a/n- ive written many fanfics but havent posted a single one on here. i hope you do actually enjoy! read and review!_**

 ** _disclaimer- does the bleach under my sink count?_**

 ** _-keep in mind this fic contains mentions of depression_**

 _grey. the vapid color was all that could be seen when you dared to glance into the miserable teens eyes. eyes that were once filled with determination. eyes that looked genially at his cherished companions._

 _the chocolate brown color had faded and those eyes would never be seen again. never._

 _a meaningful word to the former shinigami. never would he obtain his eradicated powers. never would he be strong. never would he be able to protect those around him. never would he see her again._

 _it had been nearly a year now since ichigo kurosakis reiatsu dissipated. you could thank the final getsuga tensho for that. ever since then hed been a shell of his previous self. not the slightest trace of the 'old' ichigo remained. the highschool student hadnt had much of an appetite since that day either. he repudiated when any sort of 'fun event' was planned or anybody offered to take him somewhere as well._

 _youd think the orange haired boy would suffer the most but his friends seemed to share an equal amount of pain. not just the ones that had knowledge of the tragedy that had befallen the former shinigami but ones that had no clue about the afterlife. they all seemed to feel his pain. seemed. after awhile everybody excluding the boys family as well as chad, uryu, orihime, tatsuki, and the boys old friends watching him from soul society stopped caring. they just got used to his depressed demeanor. it was strange at first. seeing such a strong young man turn into a sulking mess._

 _but here he was. ichigo kurosaki. former soul reaper. current nobody._

 _at least those were the teens thoughts. he couldnt help out, therefore, he didnt matter._

 _"well maybe i do matter." the boy croaked to himself, staring out across his unfastidious room from his place inside his small closet._

 _"well maybe i did. maybe i did matter to her. but she's probably forgotten." the thin, frail, anything but muscular boy sighed, reaching his shaky pale hand forward and weakly tugging at the thin door in hopes to close it._

 _giving up for the moment, the orange headed teen scrunched his lengthy legs up onto the small platform where she used to sleep, his weight no longer much of a problem in terms of breaking the wood just by being there a few minutes._

 _a few minutes. kurosaki couldnt stay in any place for even few moments. any place but her arms. her slender arms wrapped around his body, hugging him tightly, not wanting to let go. was it too much to hope for? they both felt the same way but fate tore them apart. it was torture. for ichigo at least._

 _getting up and turning around, he snatched up the fuzzy blanket and held it close to him, searching for the faintest trace of the her. the girl he needed so badly. his dream. the only reason he wanted to die. but even if he did it couldnt be guaranteed theyd find one another. and if he did leave this life behind what would happen to his friends and family? its not like he could protect them from any reishi beings but say a car refused to stop. hed gladly take their place. for two reasons._

 _sighing, he viciously threw the blanket into the small space and slammed the closet door shut which took a few attempts._

 _sadness and despair. those feelings werent all he felt. anger tended to bubble up inside of him as well and he couldnt help but to let it out. and the short lived fits usually ended with tears. tears of sadness. loneliness. emptiness. helplessness. there was nothing he could do. nothing. useless. thats exactly what he made himself out to be._

 _"ichigo? ichigo may i come in?" a fragile voice interrupted, the young girl sounding as if she were on the verge of a breakdown as well._

 _"no." kurosaki forced out, his voice wavering as tears streamed down his unkempt face._

 _everyday. everyday it was the same. theyd try to check on him but he wouldnt let them in. refused to let him into his room. and refused to let them into his life. never had he been so harsh to his sisters. and now it wasnt exactly the fact that he didnt love them or didnt want them. it was just the fact that he didnt want to let them know. for all anybody could tell it was his loss of power that had gotten him so down. if only that was the sole cause. maybe then he wouldnt be as upset. maybe if he hadnt come to love her he wouldnt be as depressed. as lonely. of course being useless was an awful feeling but losing the love of your life was worse._

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 _"i want to say more... more than goodbye." the boy said awkwardly, leaning against his bedroom wall for support._

 _his eyes glanced over to the just now closing door, a faint sense of happiness washing over him when he processed the thought of the two being alone. together._

 _"what is it? we dont have much time!" the raven snapped, trying to sound as if it werent that bad even when her heart was about to break into a thousand pieces that could never be repaired._

 _ichigo pushed himself off of the wall, and grasped the bedraggled looking girls shoulders, unknowingly putting much weight on her small frame. it was a shame. he still couldnt stand. and he wanted to do more than just stand there. watching her leave. but thats all hed be able to do for now. watch from the sidelines._

 _"i love you rukia kuchiki. no matter how far apart we are that will never change. if i could spend the rest of my life with you i would. i swear im never going to go after any other girl. i dont want any other girl. i want you. and you only. you are my wor-"_

 _"shut up... idiot." the noble sniffed, tears falling from her violet eyes as she looked up at the man she adored._

 _"i love you too. the only thing i want is to stay with you."_


End file.
